brainofck

For the ever kinked-up green_grrl who will someday get her m-preg epic, really, and who this round requested

There is not enough bodyswitch fic in SG-1! Jack and Daniel, switched into each other's bodies.

Title: Not That Big a Deal, Really
Author: muck_a_luck, posting in brainofck
Pairing: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill
Rating: NC-17
Summary: Alien technology causes some changes.
Words: 706
Disclaimer: If anybody is planning a script like this for SG-1 (Oh. Right.), I'm certainly not going to claim any rights to it. However, I'd be delighted to work in a co-writing/consulting/first-reader/advisory-type capacity, with my fee to be negotiated at that time. :D
Archive rights: Absolutely none. My journals only. muck_a_luck and brainofck
The Matrix: This one is "Shapes." The Matrix is located here.




"Oh, fercryinoutloud!" said Jack.

Which was really wrong. Because he said it with Daniel's mouth and Daniel's vocal chords, and it had Daniel's vocal timbre and in all ways Jack said it with Daniel's voice, except that it was distinctly Jack's dialectal inflections and characteristic pitch and tone. So, so wrong.

"What happened?" Daniel asked blearily. And that was weird, because that was Jack's voice that came out of his mouth. Except, all the stuff he noticed about Jack using his voice, but in reverse.

His body felt odd, too. Weirdly roomier. Longer. Farther from his eyes to his feet. His fingers seemed extended. Wow. His eyes worked.

"You touched something, is what happened!" Jack snapped at him. "How many times do we have to go over the 'no touching' rule, Daniel, before something like this happens?"

"Um. Sir?" Sam put in timidly.

"WHAT?!" snarled Jack. It was extremely disconcerting, watching himself give Jack's death glare to Sam. For her part, Sam was surprisingly calm. Daniel even caught a faint hint of amusement. He hoped Jack didn't pick up on it.

"DanielJackson was not at fault, O'Neill," Teal'c intervened. "I must apologize. I was distracted by the mural." Well, it was a great mural, Daniel had to give him that. Etruscan influences, beautifully preserved...

Teal'c gestured to the alien device next to him.

"It glowed and hummed for a minute, then the two of you went down," Sam said. "I think you were standing in it's target area."

There was a marked off area on the floor enclosing the space where Jack and Daniel were both collapsed on the floor.

"Great. Thanks, Teal'c," said Daniel wryly. "Do you want to try flipping the switch again. Maybe it will just swap us back."

Jack was taking Daniel's glasses off and on again, scowling in irritation. Daniel hated losing or breaking a pair of glasses in the field. He knew about Feretti's "how many pairs?" pool. Jack glanced up, and gave a startled blink. Oh, great. Jack was giving him the fish face.

"Wow. You are one mean looking bastard, there, Daniel."

"Yeah, well, don't break my glasses. I'm going to be needing them."

But Teal'c seemed to be confused by the machine. Even with Sam's help, they couldn't get it to work again.

Two weeks later, sitting in his lab with his too long fingers and perfect eyesight, Daniel sighed and scrubbed his fingers through his hair.

"You need a hair cut," Jack said from the doorway.

Daniel looked over at his old body.

"Nope, looks good," Daniel said with a tense smile.

"That joke got old, oh, 14 days ago, Daniel," Jack grumbled.

"Yeah, well, as we retook our ID photos this morning, I now feel that I am at liberty to have the hair of my new body as long as I like," Daniel groused back.

"The grey looks more distinguished with a shorter cut, is all I'm sayin'," Jack smirked.

Daniel sighed.

"At least some sarcophagus along the way fixed your trick knee," Daniel said tiredly.

"Yeah," Jack said.

He sighed, too.

"You ever consider laser eye surgery? I'm probably gonna lose all my certifications with eyesight this bad."

Cringing inwardly, Daniel said, "Go for it."

He sighed again.

Jack sighed again.

"Wanna come over to my place, have a beer?" Jack asked.

"OK," Daniel agreed.

The drive was quiet.

Settling on Jack's couch, Daniel watched himself say, "Your dick is weird."

Daniel slumped forward and put his face in his hands.

"Why did I agree to come here again?"

"I don't know how to make it work right. It's all slidey and overly sensitive."

"Maybe instead of eye surgery, you should get circumcised," Daniel muttered. "Your dick doesn't work right, either. I don't see how you even get a proper orgasm with this thing. I get sort of worked up, then bloooop I come and it's all done. No buildup. No climax. You can't have lived your whole life like that, can you?"

And that was how Daniel ended up with his own hand down his pants. Which didn't sound nearly as odd as it actually was.

But otherwise, the whole body switch thing wasn't that big of a deal, really.

End.




*cackles evilly*












*hides*

If you're interested, all my stories, in order, from one page. Also, my fiction recommendations.